Some thoughts on saturday night. :)

Human is social. 

It doesn't take a genius to know that we need other people.

We need to depend on other people.

In some case, we need people to make us.... happy.

Content.

Full.

Secure.

Am i right? O yea..  That's what world tells us.

Actually,

We don't need other people to determine our feelings.

We can be happy just simply because we want to.

We can laugh,

cry,

jump,

smile, 

just simply because we want to.

However, it takes a quite high level of maturity to do so.

Children? They can't live without people, they need people to feed them, to give them comfort, to give them happiness..

But we're as an adult? Or ehem teenagers ;p, 

We shouldn't depend on someone as much as we did when we were only a little child, should we?

Yes, we are a social human being, 

but "independent" is also in our blood. We just gotta train ourselves to be so.

That is why, i am training myself, to not depend on people, especially my feelings. 

Because if i do, oh man... it sucks. 

When i want to feel happy, 

I need to talk to my friends to make me feel so.

When i want to feel secure,

I need words of affirmation from my surroundings.

When some movies made me sad, 

I need to call someone to make me feel better.

Can you imagine.... how annoying that is? 

Flash news, there's A LOTTTTTT of people out there doing that. 

Plus, sometimes it seems I'm the right person for them to call (or to buzz in msn). Haha.

No problemo, ehem actually sometimes it is. LOL.

Being alone (not lonely fo sho) is not such a problem for me.

I still have books, movies, magazines!!!, Internet (duh) to keep me busy.

BUT! the interesting part is...

People actually can't stand that.

I just realized this interesting fact..

I don't blame them, really. 

But, it's just funny seeing them.. saying all these.

"Why don't you with him?"

"Cieeeeee Sashaaaaaaa, why you're asking whether he's home already or not??"

"Wuoooo Sasha said he's hot! Sasha has a crush on him! woohooooo!"

"Ck.. ck.. ck.. Congratulation, Betty and Henry. *looking at winda :P* (err you gotta watch Ugly Betty to understand :P)"

Haha i found it's very funny, indeed. I never found it annoying.

But, just wanna let you know..

There's a reason why i don't "love" or "like" or "having a deep crush" that easy..

My heart is not mine anymore, it is Someone's already. 

and until He finally say "yes" and let another guy to come inside, i will guard this heart with all my diligence :)   Deal with that.

Telling ya, it's a hard work. It is.

But, it's always better to prevent, than to heal. 

It's gonna be REALLY painful to let someone go because he or she is not the right one. 

It's not my season yet..

I'm only friggin' seventeen years old for crying out loud. 

Ah, i forgot. 

That's what other seventeen girls (and boys) do, freaking out about relationship. LOL.

Okay, this post is totally random. Haha. It's just now the "mockers" are living in the same roof with me, that's why i was inspired to write this. Guess i had it enough, LOL-ness.

HOKAAAAAAYY, gotta go to bed. Morning service tmrw. Love ya peeps!!!

Off i go,

muSHAdool.

This is.... how piggies a.k.a weirdos talk.

Finally the piggies reunited..

If there's anyone have any idea what we're talking about, please, come to me and let me give your prize. A million dollar! haha. 

If you actually understand what this is about, well WELCOME TO THE CLUB! 

Club of piggies weirdos. haha.

Missing the piggies,

muSHAdool a.k.a pink piggy.

i can't thank God enough for them.

When you're not really in the mood of doing anything..

When you're not into some shitty chitty chatty with some random people..

When you'd rather stay at home than going for parties. (or free food. hehe.)

When socializing is the last thing you wanna do..

When you're just... so dry.

When, your 'house' or.. your heart is being renovated. 

When it's being renovated,

parts of you have to be torn into pieces..

parts of you have to feel nothing but pain..

Sometimes to find the true gold, you have to burn it into the wild fire. Then, you can see whether it's true gold or not.

It hurts. I'd rather feel physically hurts than to 'heart-ly' hurts.

But it's for your own good. Because after that your 'house' will be very beautiful.

The old house will be nowhere to found,

but the good, no, better, and also new, will be so shiny and it's impossible to ignore.

That's what my house's owner told me :)

When you're facing this phase,

It's always nice having someone to talk to.

Being there.. Quietly listening.. Giving supports to keep running and not to give up..

It's just so nice to know, 

they are there not only when i'm strong and full..

but they are also there when i'm weak and empty..

They are not like other people,

who just came in, stole my energy, stole my attention,  

and then left.

They came in,

they stole a bit of my energy,

but they stay.

and then they're doing the same thing to me. Like i did to them.

That's what true friends do.

Thank you..

Off i go,

muSHAdool.

I ain't hypocrite!

"Don't force people to read the holy book,

Let them read through you!"

-JR (2004)

if i could shout.

This heart is screaming..

''I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''

Please, tell me. 15 Dec 2009 is not that long...

My mood booster.

I used to write this on my mirror.

Successfully brighten up my days.

My gloomy days.

It still is. 

"If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small."

or in what my pink book wrote, (which i just bought yesterday hihi)

"If you give up when trouble comes, it shows that you have very little strength."

Proverbs 24:10

It's here!!

A very big fat thanks for Mr Joe Sentoso for sending this to me!

and ehem, someone who forgot to scan it for me, shame on you! Haha love ya babe!

Here it is, my first article i wrote it here, in Melbourne.

Nyeah, well, if you don't go to that certain place on every Sunday, located at the center of Jakarta, you may not see this article sei.. 

Clicking on it might help :)

Well, after all the buzzing in facebook, msn, twitter, I'm still open for comments! :)

Now i miss my TAG-ers.

Great.

Off i go,

muSHAdool.

Your reaction shows how much you care.

Let's see..

I failed.

Yes, i did.

Big fat bummer, i know. LoL.

Well, i was at my lowest point, i can't even think clearly.

Inside my head, 'what if i don't pass this subject? What if my parents know about this? What if i can't go home because of this? what if.. what if.. and what if....'

I failed, and i fell.

I was looking for someone who could help me to stand up again.

Yes, i found ones. 

Thanks to my housemate, my senior, the nadyas, my twin.

'I failed once too. That made me more diligent than ever, and so will you!'

'Yes, i even failed twice on that subject. But, i passed. So will you!' 

'Oh dear, sorry to hear that, but you're ok though? I believe you will pass on that subject, babe. Don't worry. So, now, quick! Work on your another assignment!'

'Come on, you can do it.'

Furthermore, (shit, i wrote too many essays)

The highlight of my day,

it came from my twin, or let's say the guy version of me.

Me: Have u ever failed on something?

Him: Yes, sha. Why?

Me: I failed. I was crushed! Sucks!

Him: Hahahahaha. Well sha, people like us, ultimately you, took something from the failure and make something out of it. Have you watched meet the robinsons?

Me: Nah. why?

Him: Yeah, there was a quote ''You learn so much if you fail, but you do learn when you succeed, but only a bit. So, the thing is, keeps failing! ahahahaha'

Me: ahahaha O.M.G.  Seriously, i love you. Dearly. You made my day!!

They all did. 

They made my day.

Thank you.

Really.

and hey You, yes, i know why i failed.

Because, i know sometimes i need to step back in order to jump higher.

or soar higher.

for You :)

Off i go,

muSHAdool.

Dreaming out loud!

I want to go to NYC.

I want to have my own magazine.

I want to have my own apartment, fully furnished.

I want to see that proud smile in my parents face.

I want to see my kids become so freakin successful.

I want to take my parents, my sisters, or my brother to go somewhere they want to go, using my own money. 

Dreams oh dreams. 

Should i slap myself and ask myself to stop dreaming?

Because you know, life is not THAT easy.

Well, of course i wont.

Yes, life is not THAT easy.

But, that's how life works.

Not always easy.

Tough and rough sometimes.

Full of surprises. 

Dreaming is like when you walking upstairs..

You want to reach that place where you want to be..

When you're climbing the stairs,

You may not know how many staircases left you have to climb..

You may get tired.

You may get sick.

You may want to give up.

but what if you give up, when it's only one staircase left?

What if i give up, when I'm about to reach my dream?

That.... sucks.

Intermezzo: When i was writing this, there's this sound keep shouting in my ears. I swear, my ears are suddenly hot.

'you're not dreaming big enough,' that voice said.

Oh well...

Here it is. You can laugh.

The crazy version of my dreams.

1. Yes, i'll go to NYC, but it will be an annual thing. I will go back and forth for work thing. The company or can i say, the magazine i will work with, will pay the flight and all the thingy.

2. My magazine will influence so many girls and change their perspectives.

3. I'll use the best interior designer to do his/her magic for my apartment. Maybe, the best one in town.

4. Yes, my parents will be proud, but not just that, everyone will also come to them and tell them 'you must be proud with your daughter, she's amazing :)'

5. My kids will influence the nation, maybe one of them is the next president. He He.

6. I'll take my fam, fly around the world. Well, for my parents, it will be their second time.

7. I want to make every people i know, proudly telling their friends when they see me hm.. anywhere i end up :P   'you know? That girl is my friend.'

Yes yes yes, mock me. Put me on your must-mock list (LOL)

I don't care.

I will keep on dreaming. In my dictionary, imagination is stronger than facts, odds, even statistics.

Oh yes they are.

It's not about what you can see, it's all about what you CAN'T see.

My dreams are intangible, but I'm sure one day i can touch it. and feel it.

Feels familiar? That's because America Ferrera is film-ing my dreams, it's on Ugly Betty  TV show. Tee hee.

Nyah, alright, Ugly Betty inspired me. Everyone can tell :P

Off i go,

muSHAdool.

Back in the game!

Room 1:

Me: Hey, where have you been? 

Her: Nowhere, here and there.. You know me, the geeky who doesn't like to get online too often.

Me: Haha.

Her: I need to talk to you. 

Me: Shoot!

Room 2:

*Buzz*

Him, my what-so-called-cousin: Hey, so i was with this girl... 

Me: (Listening patiently and yes he didn't even say a proper introduction. LOL.)

Room 3:

Him, who lives next room: Whatcha doin?

Me: Nothing. Just listening to my kiddos. What's up?

Him: Ha ha. Why seems like everyone telling you everything?

Me: I don't know, they just can't stand not to talk to me about everything, nor telling me their secret. LOL.

Him: I know..

Me: LOL. How could you know that?

Him: I do that too.  

Me: Hahahahaha.

Room 4:

Him, who also lives next room: (talking about my other housemate) why doesn't she move just now! 

Me: hey chill! Don't be mean.

Him: Hey, i'm good with someone who is good to me, and i'll be mean to those who annoy me!

Me: Haha.. Fair enough.. Then what about me? You'll be harsh to me also??

Him: Nahh.. you're my momma.

Me: Haha that's sweet. (I kind of fringed because somehow I've known him for 2 months only haha)

Room 5 and room 6: 

Them: Whatcha doing?

Me: Nothing. Just listening.

Them: Oh.. Hmm we didn't do well on our last exam :( It's so freakin hard, bla bla bla bla

Me: (Yes, i'm listening again.)

I stayed up late until 4 am last night at nadya's house, listening to them.

My twitter status: ''I stay up late for a reason. To be there for them :) but oh well, they kind of forgot of the time difference...''

----------------------------------------------------------

This morning.

Had a small birthday party at my house just then, had a great time, we eat, drink (yes, finally), and chitty chatty.

Him, again, who lives next door: Hey, sexy momma. Where hv u been last night?

Me: Slept over at my friend's house. What's up?

Him: Haha nothing. Anyway, you're younger than me right?

Me: Yes.. why?

Him: But why do you have this kind of.... something, i don't know what it is, that makes you look older, i mean.. like a mom figure or something. haha.

Me: haha, welcome to the club kiddo! 

Yesssss i have more and more kiddos here! All older than me (and sometimes i need their ID to ehem, buy something. haha.)

IMHO (In My Humble Opinion), you've learned the lesson well, and i'm talking about life lesson, when you are able to share it to other people, and be a blessing for those in need. A 'mom' nickname is a bonus, though. I take that as a compliment, and yes, i'm only 17. Ha ha.

So here i am!

BACK IN THE GAME! 

Ready to bless. Yes, i am.

Are you? :)

Off i go,

muSHAdool.